Needs Literacy

Our human needs play an enormous role underlying every decision we make and everything we do. Sometimes it helps to get down to basics when we’re trying to understand a situation, or to solve a problem.

Needs Hierarchy

Abraham Maslow organizes human needs into essential categories, one building upon the other:

• Physiological needs must first be met to sustain life: breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis, excretion.

• Safety needs come next: security of body, employment resources, morality, the family, health, property.

• Love and belonging needs build upon the first two: friendship, family, sexual intimacy.

• Esteem is next: self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, respect by others.

• Self-actualization can be achieved after the preceding need categories are met: morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice, acceptance of facts.

Universal Human Needs

The Center for Nonviolent Communication uses needs as the basis for helping people in conflict understand each other. They list the following needs as being held by everyone:

• Social connection
• Physical well-being
• Honesty
• Play
• Peace
• Meaning
• Autonomy

For complete list, see the Needs Chart included in many of my books.

Needs-Based Communication Model
As taught by the Center for Nonviolent Communication

1. Observation: Simply describe what a camera would see, without editorial filters of any kind.

2. Feelings: Guess what feelings the person may be experiencing (see the Feelings charts) Note: If they correct you, that is a step forward in getting clarity. “I feel that ...” is not a feeling.

3. Needs: Guess what needs the person may be experiencing. Again, if they correct you, it’s a positive step forward. “I need (person’s name) to ...” doesn't count. What needs is the person speaking experiencing?

4. Request: Make a clear, present request, something doable in the moment. What exactly would that person want who to do now to get closer to what they want?

Needs identification becomes very important in any negotiation. Once each party can hear the authentic needs of the other party, strategies to get everyone’s needs met often become obvious and easy. Often the conflicting parties are actually trying to get the same need met, and are simply approaching it with different strategies. When this becomes clear, we stop seeing the other party as an enemy, and our desire to reach out to another human being in pain motivates us to find solutions that work for everyone.

Needs Literacy Exercise:

To practice identifying needs in yourself and others, try making these lists when you have a quiet moment:

1. How you are most likely to speak to yourself when you are less than perfect? You probably speak to others this way, too.

2. What words or phrases come to mind when you're angry with others, or when you're judging them?

3. What stimulates defensive thoughts and hurt or angry feelings in you? Notice what the other person said, or what you thought they meant.

4. What are you most afraid that others might think of you?

As you look at your list, notice what feelings come up in you, and consider which of your needs might be met or unmet.

Best wishes,

Marilyn McLeod
Marilyn@PersonalizedHealthCoach.com

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